Ramblings from a concerned momma'...
Thankfully, Shepherd's second round of Meningitis involved much less suffering than the first round. After two days in the hospital, they confirmed that he did NOT have bacterial, but rather, viral...therefore we got to come home. I still can't believe his diagnosis. After 4 days of a persistent (but seemingly mild headache), he began saying it hurt his head to walk. And within 12 hours, he went from having a mild headache, to a horrific one. We almost didn't go to the hospital...his neck wasn't stiff, he hadn't had any kind of cold/virus that we knew of...I was confident he couldn't have meningitis. But I was becoming concerned about swelling around his brain...especially when he began vomiting! But again, what in the heck would cause his brain to swell...right?!?! Chad was convinced it was just a virus...I was becoming convinced something was very wrong. So, after watching him for about two hours, I told Chad that we had to go to the hospital...I apologized in advance for the fact that I would probably be wrong...that he was probably fine...but I just couldn't take a chance!
I will never doubt my "mommy instincts" again!
...And having said that, I've officially become "that parent"...ya' know...the one who is over-protective?...over-worried?...over-cautious?...yup, that is now ME. Over the past six years, I've actively tried to be laid back about Shep's illnesses. Despite the fact that he's had more E.R. visits and Hospital stays than 10 adults COMBINED, I've really tried to NOT be paranoid. I've approached most of his illnesses with a sense of calm and have tried to shrug each infection/virus off as an odd coincidence or fluke....although in the back of mind I've inevitably looked at his peers (and his younger siblings) and wondered why no other children his age are being hit by the same illnesses as he's been hit.
After all, he LOOKS healthy...he's a physically strong, athletic and gorgeous little boy with a healthy appetite...he has more energy than the Energizer Bunny! So, the fact that a mere cold or mild virus or patch of eczema winds him up in the hospital is mind boggling to me.
And these are the thoughts that have been buzzing around my head for the past 3 days...I literally feel as if someone has blown smoke in my brain. Some friends dropped by to see if we needed anything last night, and I felt like such a space cadet...just staring at them with my mouth open and feeling completely unable to form a coherent thought. Because the truth is, that despite my seemingly calm facade, I'm inwardly flippin' out. He's my first born child...my only son...my sweet tender hearted little boy. And to think that we could be facing a lifetime of bizarre illnesses...to think that every time he sneezes, or complains of a headache or stomach ache, or leg ache that we will have to be on guard for something serious...it makes my head spin.
Selfishly I want to be thinking about which basketball team he's going to play on this Fall...NOT what sickness he could develop by playing on that basketball team. And I must admit to feeling extremely guilty...I am struggling with wondering what I did wrong while pregnant with him or when he was a newborn...did I fail to give him the nutrients his little body needed to develop a strong immune system?!
(sigh) So...these are my ramblings. We're currently waiting for the Immunity Test results to come back. We were told to start him on Purified Fish Oil and Kefir to begin fortifying his body. And while we wait...Shep gets to play Lego's, read books, and watch all the Disney movies he can handle! :-)