We found out last night that we may have a gliche in our contract on our home in Savannah. When we got the call from our broker I instantly felt a knot form in my stomach. I thought to myself..."Why now?...We're suppossed to close on Monday". The string of events played out in my mind like a bad domino effect. I could see the deal falling through, I could see us getting stuck with the tab on the roof that just got installed for the buyer, I could see the condo we're waiting to close on in Jacksonville being postponed even longer. The entire time I was thinking this I could hear God's voice softly telling me to "not borrow trouble from tomorrow," "lean not on your own understanding", seek first His kingdom",. The knot lessened as the night wore on, but it did not completely go away. This morning we still had not heard from the Broker about whether or not the deal was good or not. I got my children dressed to go to the Mall - Shepherd was excited about finally getting out of the house (we've been cooped indoors due to the cold and rain). We piled in to the car and no sooner had I gotten out of the driveway and my car died. I turned the key and it started up again. Against better judgement, I continued out of the neighborhood and once I got to the end of the street, it died again. Thoughts began running through my head "Why Lord?! Why now? I've made sacrifices financially to stay home with my children?...we can't afford to take my car in to the shop! Why would you allow this to happen now when it's raining outside?...Why now, when we've got the added stress of our house possibly not being sold?!". Again, I could hear God's word on my heart reminding me that "God is a faithful God who does no wrong, who is right and fair". I turned the key again and the car started. I turned my car around and headed back home - instead of praying I called my friend Melissa. She encouraged me...as I pulled in to the driveway my car died again. This time I just parked it and walked inside with my kids. When I got off the phone with Melissa I called my mom to vent - thinking to myself that I should be praying...but feeling that if I talked to a person I would feel better. I didn't...my mom was also encouraging, but I still got off the phone feeling discouraged. I walked in to the kitchen to begin cleaning while the kids played, and what do you think I saw? The Bible. It was sitting on the table and my eyes began to tear..."Why Lord?...we've been through so much...what more can you possibly have to teach me?...we were faithful throughout Shepherd's illness...we were faithful throughout Chad's illness....we've trusted you to provide for us through financial struggles...we've allowed you to direct our family to Jacksonville...". I flipped the Bible open and it fell to Ecclessiastes 6...this is what it said.
6"I have seen something else wrong here on earth that causes serious problems for people. God gives great wealth, riches, and honor to some people; they have everything they want. But God does not let them enjoy such things; a stranger enjoys them instead. This is useless and very wrong. A man might have a hundred children and live a long time, but what good is it if he can't enjoy the good God gives him or have a proper burial? I say a baby born dead is better off than he is. A baby born dead is useless. It returns to darkness without even a name. That baby never saw the sun and never knew anything, but if finds more rest than that man. Even if he lives two thousand years, he doesn't enjoy the good God gives him. Everyone is going to the same place. People work just to feed themselves, but they never seem to get enough to eat. In this way a wise person is no better off than a fool. Then too, it does a poor person little good to know how to get along in life. It is better to see what you have than to want more. Wanting more is useless- like chasing the wind. Whatever happens was planned long ago. Everyone knows what people are like. No one can argue with God, who is stronger than anyone. The more you say, the more useless it is. What good does it do? People have only a few useless days of life on earth; their short life passes like a shadow. Who knows what is best for them while they live? Who can tell them what the future will bring? 7:7-14 Even wise people are fools if they let money change their thinking. It is better to finish something than to start it. It is better to be patient than to be proud. Don't become angry quickly, because getting angry is foolish. Don't ask "Why was life better in the 'good old days'?". It is not wise to ask such questions. Wisdom is better when it comes with money. They both help those who are alive. Wisdom is like money: they both help. But wisdom is better, because it can save whoever has it. Look at what God has done: No one can straighten what he has bent. When life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember: God gives good times and bad times, and no one knows what tomorrow will bring. "
I am so amazed at how God truly speaks!! He speaks to us!! We may not hear a distinct voice, but when we study scripture, his words are spoken silently on our hearts. I cannot tell you how many times I have been confused, frustrated, sad, or distressed and I prayed before I opened the Bible...what do you think I would find?! God's word that spoke directly to my problem,...words that soothed my spirit, words that put a a halt to my doubts, words that gave me peace that surpasses all understanding. God is good! This contract on our house may fall through, but I know we will eventually sell our house. My car may cost quite a bit to get repaired, but God will provide for our needs....but guys, my point is that these things don't matter!! I'm not saying God doesn't care...I believe he does care. But these things are not what is important - God cares more about my heart and my wisdom (or lack thereof) and he cares more about where I will spend eternity. How arrogant for me to feel that just because we've had our share of problems that God is through teaching me things for the time being...we are suppossed to continue to grow...and it's amazing how trials or difficulties can cause a person to lean on the Lord!! "Thank you Lord for your son, thank you for the Bible that was left for us to be edified, and thank you Lord for continuing to stretch me and grow my faith despite my thick head and stubborn heart."