How far will I have to go?
This afternoon, I went from standing in my kitchen (where I stared at the counter top for about 20 minutes) to lying in my bed (where I eventually fell asleep after staring at the all for another 20 minutes). As I was staring at the walls, I was thinking in my head "how far will I have to go with this???"
We wound up in the hospital with Shepherd again on Tuesday. While I was exersising on the treadmill, one of the workers hurried in to the gym and said that Shepherd had been sobbing from pain he was feeling in his chest. Wha??? A few hours later, we were in the ER having chest x-rays taken. Shepherd's pediatrician had told me to prepare for him to be admitted - with his history of illness, he felt Shep had most likely contracted Pneumonia. Imagine my surprise when they said his lungs were clear but that the muscles surrounding his lungs were very inflamed...they diagnosed him with Chostochondritis! The very mild "cold virus" he'd had this past week worked its way in to his chest wall and the pain he was feeling is apparently worse then child birth - many adults with Chostochondritis compare the pain to that of a heart attack/stroke. What in the world!!!!!
I had promised myself that if it was in my control, we would never step foot in the hospital again for Shep's illnesses...and here it was less than 3 weeks later and we were being admitted in to the hospital. It was an all time low point. I called one of my friends from the hospital to let her know what was going on and for the first time in a long time, I couldn't even fake it...I wanted to weep, I wanted to hit something,...I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and scream "I GIVE UP!". But of course I can't - it's my son, and I have to keep fighting this battle for him.
So, we're home and I'm reading every bit of literature I can find on health/nutrition and vitamins. I'm getting REAL drastic with our diet. Thus the question: "How far am I willing to go with this???". I could nix dairy, sugar, and go 100% raw...but the battles which would ensue would be major...so I'm thinking baby steps...well, maybe toddler steps.
Today Shepherd is doing good - he's out of breath easily...he skipped in to the school room this morning and was panting and said his heart hurt. I can't tell you how much it pains me to hear my six year old boy say that. I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to making him better....even if that means turning in to a rabbit and eating carrots and lettuce 3 meals a day.