Thursday, November 15, 2007

A shout out to all you people-pleasers in the world....

Who out there can relate to the pit in the stomach after you've told someone "no"? Who out there can relate to heart palpitations when you feel you might have let someone down? Who out there can relate to being willing to put yourself out, or bend over backwards so as to ensure that you don't put anyone else out? Yes I know....it's a sickness....but I KNOW I'm not the only one who struggles with this! Ya' know how I know?! Because all I have to do is look around and I see so many women who are overcommitted and frazzled!

Is it just me or are there WAY too many expectations on women these days?! I feel like our culture expects us to be daughters, mothers, sisters, career women, volunteers, coordinators, cleaners, cookers, encouragers, lovers, doctors, leaders, listeners, ect, ect, ect (all while looking faaaabulous of course!)! More importantly, I feel all of those burdens on myself! I realize I cannot do all of those things successfully...I mean, I really do realize that,...but that doesn't mean that I don't feel as if I have to try. And I do...I try very hard! Unfortunately I was blessed with the "people pleaser" gene which means that saying no, or dissapointing someone (which I realize is inevitable in this life), or not being my personal best is very very difficult for me. Not only do I fear letting someone down, but my bigger fear is letting myself down - I have such high expectations of who I should be as a child of God, as a wife of Chad, as a mother to my children and as a daughter and friend and sister, ect., and I am beginning to have so much compassion for other women...moms in particular who I know are feeling so much of the same pressure that I feel.

As women, I know many if not most of us enjoy giving of ourselves and performing acts of service...I think that is how we were created. I also think that most women tend to be people-pleasers. I just wish that we (mainly myself) could learn to say "no" with confidence and lack of guilt - knowing that our first commitment is to God, second is to our families and third is to our community. The day I learn to act on this lesson will be a very good day! :)

7 comments:

Amy said...

Lindsey-

You look familiar to me from Harding, but I don't think we knew each other. You are on almost every one of my friends "friend list"!! I totally agree with your blog and your frustration. I have such a problem with people pleasing or avoiding any conflict. I've been so bad to even tell someone our little "boy's" name was Brooks just to avoid embarrassing them that "he" was a she named Brooklyn! It's a sickness for sure! Have comfort in knowing your not alone, wish I had an answer for it!! So good to meet you on here- your family is beautiful!

Amy Ware

Ezell Family said...

Why do we feel that we have to please everyone? I just fought this battle this week at work! I realize that there is no pleasing everyone, and at the end of the day, if we know that we did the right thing, than that is all we can do. If we just continue to look to Him for guidence, everything else with work in the long run!It's up to us to help lift each other up, and to be the support that women look for everyday.
Take care, and have a Great Thanksgiving!

Jamie said...

my thought on this widespread "sickness": it is rooted in our basic human need and longing to know (meaning grasp, comprehend, and truly experience in a sustained way) that we are fully known by and loved by a good and loving Father. And that we serve Him FROM a place of acceptance and not to OBTAIN acceptance. What if we really believed that truth??? Would that trickle down to our human relationships? Something to ponder....

tleaf10 said...

I'm a pleaser ... it takes a lot for me to confront someone or tell someone no. You can ask Melissa ... she has to encourage me often to "just do what I can!"

kristy patterson said...

Reading this post was like reading my own thoughts! Especially the part about trying to meet all the expectations that are put on us--wife, daughter, mother, sister, full time employee, cooker, house cleaner, lover, friend, I could go on an on! Sometimes it can be SO overwhelming! Still, it's comforting to know that those who truly love us (God, spouse, family, etc.) know that we're doing the best we can. I'm still not great at saying "no" to extra responsibilities and commitments, but, with Payton's encouragement, am getting MUCH better!

Hicks Family said...

You ARE a people pleaser which is why so many people love you...it is also why other take advantage of your "can't say NO" sickness and suck you in to do more than necessary. Just remember what is most important, like you said, we have to keep our priorities in the right order. Love you girl and hope you have a good weekend.

Lindsey said...

Hey Amy! I'm so glad you left a comment...I've actually checked your blog out a few times. :) Brooklyn is such a doll! I wish we would've known eachother at HU - I've heard such nice things about you! Looking forward to getting to know your sweet family better through the blog world!

Candace, Happy Thanksgiving to you too - ya'll be safe in your travels!!!

Jamie...such wisdom! Thanks for that comment - you always know just what to say!!!

Terri - Melis has to encourage me to do the same...I call her my friend bully - I think she protects both of us from being trampled on sometimes. ;)

Kristy - Chad is helping me do the same...aren't you so glad that we have husbands who support and love us enough to help us grow in this area?!

Melis - See you next week!! btw: I told Chad about our "time frame"...ya' know the one I'm talking about. He said "oh no!!!...here we go again"! :)