On Father's Day, Chad flew a kite with the kids out at Little Talbot Island (thanks to Linda for bringing it!!). Lillie Anna was fascinated with it...kept attempting to reach her arms out and touch it, and desperately wanted to be the one to steer the direction of the strings....
This is pretty much her minute by minute goal in life...to steer the direction of our day. She wants to determine what she's doing and the rest of her family is doing minute by minute. It's amazing to me how a child who can be SO tender, gentle and absolutely a-dor-able can also be such a pill!!! :-) But, when she loses the ability to steer, she's not a happy camper, and I realized as I watched her in swim practice yesterday fight with ALL her might to go in the opposite direction she was suppossed to be going....ummm...could she take after ME??!
I do NOT like to be controlled. My instinctive reaction to being told what to do is to buck the system...weird, seeing as how I'm such a "people pleaser". But, somehow I have both traits...the desire to please and yet NOT be controlled. Because the ugly truth is, I'm a control freak! Which is maybe one of the reasons this particular phase of life is so challenging for me, because so little is actually within my ability to control. Let's face it, no matter how much I clean, the kids undo it. No matter how much I plan, something can throw a kink in it (whether it's a sick kid, or rainy weather!).
I feel like I've grown leaps-n-bounds over the past few years in this area of my life (probably because I've been put in situation after situation where I've had to practice giving up control!), but I still have so far to go. And as I teach and train Lillie Anna to relinquish control to the authorities in her life, I have to constantly remind myself to do the same with God...trust that HE has my life in HIS hands and that His plans are so much better than mine.
The song "Jesus take the wheel" has been playing in my head this week...it's a song that reminds us that the Lord can steer our lives so. much. better than we can. And that often times, when we try to snatch the wheel from Him, we wind up crashing. And in a phase of life where we are always (and I mean aaaaalwaaaaaaays) in motion, it's imperative that the Lord be in charge of the direction we're going - NOT me!
This, btw, isn't a battle worth fighting. My accessory-lovin' control freak seems to think that if one is good, more is always better! ;-)
3 comments:
We are going through the same thing with Carigan - it amazes me that the one child that should have no concept of what it's like to be the sole object of our affection & attention acts like the household should revolve around her! Wesley and Anna Kate were never this jealous or demanding. It's a struggle! We definitely need to get together. I only have a small handful of unclaimed days before school starts, but maybe we can find a date that works. By the way, I LOVE your new header. The photo of Chad with the kids looks like an old photo from the days of our childhood!
You are so good with words in explaining how you feel or what you're dealing with both literally and spiritually. Lillie Anna will outgrow this phase. She sure gives you a lot to laugh about too! :) She cracks me up both when she tries to control and when she gives in to your control. Glad you're noting this all in your blog to reflect on and share with her later. Good pics too, always! You're such a good momma.
I know how you feel! B has been the same way lately and it is such a struggle as a parent AND a little humorous for me since I'm the same personality type as you! Yep, I always blame B's strong willed behavior on myself ;)
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